Charlyn’s Web

Pop! Thwup!

Col. Panic bought his son a toy shotgun. Oh joy.

I don’t know what it is about mothers and guns. I know, there are mothers out there that have no issue with them. I know mothers who hunt. Overall, I don’t have problems with guns… until my son’s hands grasp one. I know this is a toy gun but it still sends chills up my spin when I see him push it up at his chin and inform me it hurts when he fires it there. It causes my nerves to tingle when he fires it over his sister’s heads or points it at them. I keep repeating to myself- he is a boy! He is a boy and it’s a toy! because, somehow, that is supposed to make it better.

Pop! Thwup!

Then, of course, there is the constant noise associated with such a toy (Pop!). Darts whiz by and land (Thwup!). It’s especially fun to fire both barrels at once.

PopPop! ThwupThwup!!!

And the constant commentary.

“I missed it Mom!”

“The darts stick to the window without licking them first!”

“Can I fire on your calendar with the lighthouse figurines?”

Do you value your life?

“Can I shoot the camera traps?”

(Yes, they are still on top of the closet, gathering dust but don’t you dare take them down!)

Fine, but I’m not crawling up there to get them.

“Did you see that shot?”

“Guess, is the gun loaded?”

“Guess, are the shells in the secret compartment?”

“Can I shoot this box of cookies?” As he takes aim from four inches away.

Pop! Thwup!

I finally gave him some cracker boxes to use as targets but I guess they weren’t satisfactory enough because they didn’t fall over when hit.

Pop! Thwup, ping!

What was that? Oh, just a dart hitting one of the afore mentioned lighthouse figurines. He wasn’t aiming at it- honest.

There are round circles on the windows now, but he decided to not shoot at the TV. It’s important to be able to see it, you know.

He couldn’t understand why I wasn’t sympathetic this morning when he lost two darts outside. He had shot at a bird and then couldn’t find the dart. Then he shot at at butterfly and that dart can’t be found either. The ground is covered with little yellow leaves that make finding the little yellow darts difficult. The thought that went through my adult head was “um, didn’t we learn anything from the first time?” but I kept my mouth shut. I did track down one of them, because I am a little twitchy and my brain wasn’t in gear. It was lying in plain sight on the gravel; it must have camouflaged itself when they were looking for it.

Pop! Thwup!

His Father, the ever brave Col., has gone off to the quiet of his ‘hoffice‘ and left me alone to deal with the constant noise.

PopPop! ThwupThwup!

You see, The Col. didn’t buy it to give his son a fun toy. He didn’t buy it to give his son joy and the desires of his heart.

No, it is another tool in his nefarious plan to drive me slowly, totally insane.

Pop! Thwup!